Friday, December 30, 2011

Don't worry about saving these songs ...

Don't worry about saving these songs!
And if one of our instruments breaks,
it doesn't matter.

For we have fallen into the place
where everything is music . . . 

~ Rumi 

It's been a dream of mine since I can remember....
I would be on stage one day...feeling and being a spontaneous instrument of Spirit. (You can insert Love, God, Truth etc.). Spontaneous transparency, singing, moving, playing as the "all in me". I seem to have also made this agreement long ago. It goes something like this...

I'll take birth into this human form, take on this identity, get completely lost, make an outrageous number of mistakes, try every possible way out of illusion and delusion. I'll basically fool myself in so many many ways, and for so long, that I'll finally (blessedly) tire myself out!

Here's the tricky part: Awakening is more important to me than my success as a singer-songwriter. I know that it's not enough to simply sing about Truth, Oneness, and Love. I have to BE this.

It's all a setup. I basically have to die in order to live this truth. Every illusion has to be burned up and seen through so that I can live and be the truth that I am. much to do? How much to let go? Of course there's no simple answer.
There's today, there's now.... there's life and the living of it. There are many songs, in various stages of completion, nibbling at my heart, asking to be sung.

I can see the gifts of Spirit. If I accomplish too much by doing, then ego becomes stronger. If on the other hand I get lost in "well it's all perfect so there's nothing to do" well, we know this isn't right either.

Seeing that no thought is real, it gets really interesting. Scary sometimes. 

Who's running the show?

Again, no simple answers here.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Only the Dance - Healing Movements

It's amazing....

It started years ago. Probably in grade school. I sensed this movement that just happened all by itself. I was there, and I was part of the movement, but it wasn't me doing it. It could be something as simple as turning around at exactly the right moment to receive a piece of paper. 

Later, in my twenties, I remember dancing with a partner to a Stevie Wonder song. We were twirling, moving so gracefully, often back to back, yet without any cognition or intention, meeting each other time and time again, fingertip to fingertip with a grace that was well....divine. It wasn't about being a great dancer. Once just happened. 

Now I know this to be Spirit itself. 

The strange part is knowing that you are part of it, but you are not directing it. You allow it, even work with it. But you do not control it. 

And here's the best part:

All you have to do is let yourself move in exactly the way that feels true and right for you. And the more you "do" this, the more you realize you are perfectly synchronized with the partner or partners you are dancing with. 

It gets even better. The more you do this, the more you realize that you are simultaneously healing each other.

It is the most powerful Yoga, because with each and every movement your partner is reflecting back to you something so vital, something so tender, something so beautiful, that all you can do is be in wonder at the beauty of it.

Sometimes even though the pace of the music is fast, there is a slowing down to complete stillness.

Then, if the presence is strong enough, you meet your partner's eyes....and there it is. The recognition that though there appears to be two dancers (or more)  there is really only the dance.

Call it divine flow, divine order, or synchronicity. It doesn't matter. 

But you know it inside. 

You have touched the divine. You have found that exquisite balance between form and formlessness. Between doer and no doer. And the mind is stunned into silence at the beauty and power of this meeting. 

Right here, on this this body....

And guess what? It doesn't end when you leave the dance floor. 

In fact...

It's just beginning.... 

All Love, 


Monday, November 7, 2011

Surrendering to the mystery... there is so much more space.

I was doing the dishes the other day when the urge suddenly came over me to move the old wicker rocking-chair from the backyard to the front of the house.

I dried my hands, grabbed the rocker and moments later was placing the chair on the front porch. Somewhere floating softly inside my head was the thought; "does this really have to happen right now?" "Why"? "Don't know".....

I'm learning to trust these movements....these urges arising out of nowhere.

Standing a few feet away in the middle of the street was a middle aged woman I'd never seen before. I remember her golden hair shimmering like a halo in the morning sun.

Lightly I asked, "so what do you think" pointing toward the chair. We both stood silently for a moment, chins in hands pondering the new look. "I like it" she said. "It makes the whole house look more welcoming."

From this simple conversation, other more personal subjects emerged. It turns out my new friend has MS (Multiple Sclerosis) and has some difficulty walking and using her hands. I put my arm out, she sweetly laid her hand in mine, and silently we began walking back toward her home. We sat for a while in her old weathered beach chairs looking out at the sun over the Pacific.

Such sweetness this is. Just meeting another person, a total stranger one moment, and the next we're walking arm in arm?

Thank you God, spirit, Shiva, for this Grace....this heart opening. Living more from the unknown. More from love than from fear.

Within fifteen minutes, my world is suddenly wider, more beautiful. I now have a new friend and.... beach front property!

My housemates and I have been invited to come and enjoy the beautiful landscaped grounds and ocean views anytime.

My new friend simply said with a look of bemused wonder " you think we could ever own this view?"

Ahhhh.....Maha Dev, Maha Dev

Love to All,


Thursday, October 6, 2011

The bungee cord effect

It's so obvious now; It's the bungee cord effect. You know what a bungee cord is? It's those long stretchy things people use to jump off of bridges. It lengthens to it's farthest point, recoils to it's slack point, then repeats the process until the jumper is left bobbing somewhere in the middle.

Adyashanti has spoken of this often. When we experience a new opening to Spirit, there is the feeling "I could never forget this! It's so obvious! All I need to do is live blissfully in this awareness of oneness forever!"

Well, that's not usually how it goes.

I realize now, looking back at this last "big stretch" that the mind/body/bungee cord simply came to the end of it's arc. There had been three months of expansion; oneness being realized, living, breathing and moving through this form known as Steven.

Then the contraction began. Subtle at first. Just a hint of doubt. A little fear. Then a bout of anger. It was so obvious what was happening, but God it felt real. And I couldn't stop it. Even though I knew the bungee-cord effect was occurring, it didn't help. In fact it made it worse. "I know better than this! What am I doing here again? Stuck in separation, fear, and lack? And it felt worse than ever because there was a sense that I had failed in some way.

It all happened so spontaneously. My dear friends Zeric and Lynda were over last night. I put on some music and the three of us just started dancing ....touching...connecting....not sexual....just so "right here". And I realized the gift of these last few weeks.

I had been humbled. Everything felt a bit more real. I was meeting these amazing beings once again for the first time. Straight on.....with a deeper appreciation for the uniqueness of each one of us....our gifts...our challenges...our hands reaching ...toward each other...toward the ceiling.....toward the light.


Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Everything is here

Not too surprisingly I use sound to orient me in this moment; sounds that are near, sounds that are far away. Next door they are repairing a house. The echo of the hammers clarifies the still clear silence... so empty yet more full than could ever be expressed. Nearby some women are talking, their voices like songs. I hear a car on the road. Or is it an ocean wave? It doesn't matter. There is appreciation for the arising and the dissolution in this stillness. Silence left shining. Who hears the sound?

There have been many Skype calls to Germany recently. Such Grace to be in contact with musicians and others who are helping to create the next tour and CD. The tone and rhythm of their voices ring in my ears and in my being as I realize there truly is no distance when it comes to hearts connecting. Seemingly vast distances shrink to nothing as we speak, then spontaneously fall into silence.

Could it be? Is it really true that space and time are more illusion than  reality? Yes. It is becoming more clear... everything is here. (I swear I wasn't intending to rhyme these lines. Maybe a new song is asking to be sung.)

It feels as if a great harmony is being called for. The harmonization of body and Spirit, form and formless. How does this work in me? Answer: moment by moment, listening, sensing. The "me" feeling more like a cloud in the sky than a solid thing. I am not the "doer" yet doing happens.

Outside, a truck's engine whines. There's the sound of the "clicks" as my fingers press the keypads on the laptop.

Here... always here.


Friday, August 26, 2011

Lately I've been disappearing

Sitting in the backyard of my home in Santa Cruz, sipping coffee in the morning.. it's just the sounds I hear...the wind rustling through the leaves, a bird call, the "clink" of my silver coffee cup as it settles itself on the wood porch.
I was up early... way before dawn. I'm learning to trust this movement.
"Really? Out of bed at 2:30 a.m.?" "Okay".

And the day begins....
The sounds I hear and this idea of "me" are floating somewhere inside a silence and stillness with no boundary. Here's the first verse of a song that's been coming through recently. It's got a funky, lively feel... (the dots are an attempt to give you a sense of the groove.)

Lately... I've been.. disappearing..
I know.. it's a.... strange thing to say..
Luckily I've been.. hearing this music
And it's.. helping me find my.....way

It's true. The songs know more than I do.

At 6:30 I wake my son Sam (11). This is his first day in a new school. I love kissing him awake, snuggling for a while. Then he gets some limbo time as I pack his lunch... peanut butter and jelly, an apple, some sliced cheddar cheese....

He has a bowl of cereal and we walk out the door... down a ravine and through a eucalyptus forrest on our way. The morning mist floats in and behind the trees in many shades from grey to bright silver.

We are quiet as we walk, holding hands... and it's magical.

All Love,

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Germany Summer Tour 2011 - Thank you for listening!

Dear friends,

This is a big thank you to all of you for being part of this year's Germany summer tour. It was such Grace being with you. So many sweet memories (it's okay to look back...just don't stare).

And a special thank you to Edmund, for everything you did to organize the tour, and to Arthur for the design of the beautiful flyer/tour schedule.

So many great musicians I connected with as well, I can't wait to sink into the music with you guys. I love it when we play in such a way that we can hear ourselves and everyone else at the same time (I think there's a teaching in here somewhere). There's just about nothing better - and all of it for the beauty of the awakening. Living Truth through the music.
It's amazing to suddenly have so much support for the music. And - no coincidence - it's been pouring out stronger than ever. The learning and opening continues ... Maha Dev.

It feels great to write this, feeling so many hearts - right here. Thank you.

All Love,

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